Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Head in the Sand, Conclusion

Posted by Jennifer B. at The Writing Cocoon.

It is better, I think, to grab at the stars than to sit flustered because you know you cannot reach them...At least he who reaches will get a good stretch, a good view, and perhaps even a low-hanging apple for his efforts.
- R. A. Salvatore Sojourn

To be oneself is a rare thing, and a great one.
- Ursula K. Le Guin A Wizard of Earthsea

It has been a struggle to get here – to the point of just sitting down and letting myself write again. Many obstacles stood in my way: fear, self-doubt, an uncertain trajectory, lack of knowledge, and lack of support. Unfortunately, most of the obstacles were self imposed, I being my own worst enemy.

The sad reality is that I only got back to writing because every other option eroded away. I would try to shape myself into something else, but I just couldn’t bend and twist myself enough for it to work. Finally, something inside me began to resist.  I had restricted my life down to such a narrow space on a cliff’s edge, that the only thing left for me to do was turn, face my fears, and take a leap of faith.  Even then, I held on to the last of my resistance like my life depended on it. I stood there on the precipice for a long time, balanced on the edge and staring down at all my hopes and fears. Then, last October, I decided to do something crazy, to write a novel in thirty days, and something finally released.  I began to let go and let myself fall into the unknown.

Part of this exploration of being a writer is about the fragility of this newfound identity. There is something significant and scary about placing all my faith in a dream. There are all of these new issues to face:  from “being true to yourself” to “fear of failure.” I’m hoping that, by acknowledging these things, I will come to terms with them and keep moving forward. Maybe I will even find support and/or camaraderie from someone else out there who is facing the same long and twisty road-less-traveled.

I hope these posts have helped you get into my headspace; they have made me think about this journey and what it means to me to take on writing. I’ve been told that I have a tendency to overanalyze, but I do really believe it helps to move forward if you understand where you’ve been.

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